what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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