I hope mine doesn't look like that
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
