I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
