I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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