it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
