he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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