So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
