oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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