Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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