then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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