I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
