i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
