I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
