Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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