Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
