im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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