I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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