fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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