if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize