i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
