Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
