mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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