it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
