she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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