Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i need some magic done to my vagina
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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