I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
