she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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