he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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