Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
