Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
