Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
3pm strippers are depressing
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
