Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize