I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
