It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
