i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
