i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
