can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
