everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
