i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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