she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize