Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
