Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
