Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
