Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
we should paint friendship bongs
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
