I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
