like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
