they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
