dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
