a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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