I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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