i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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