my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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