took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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