what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think your dad took our porno
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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