Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm too high and old for this...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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