do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
