Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
This toilet bowl is my home.
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