I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
