There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize