Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
